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Day 3 began with betrayal.
At 5:45am, a rogue alarm — set during our last cruise — went off like it was auditioning for a horror movie titled “The Alarm That Should Have Retired.”
So there I was, awake in the dark, questioning my life choices and desperately missing caffeine.
No Soda. No Cold Brew. No Joy.
Like many cruise lines, this one could have allowed:
2 bottles of wine 🍷
12 sodas 🥤
But no… No outside beverages allowed.
I haven’t had caffeine since Friday morning.
I am now 40% water, 60% bitterness.
⛵ The 20-Minute Turnaround
In the middle of the Atlantic, the ship just… stopped.
Dead still.
Like a video paused. Eventually, after 20 full minutes of suspense, it resumed its slow-motion journey.
We decided to embrace it:
Lazy day. No Cozumel. No problem.
(Okay, maybe a tiny problem. But we’ll be back twice this year.)
Breakfast: Flip-Flop Sandwich, Please
Main dining room. Fresh start. New hope.
Menu scan:
Egg. Egg. Egg. Egg.
If you don’t eat eggs: tough luck.
So I ordered:
2 pieces of toast
Cheese
Bacon
I planned to construct my own breakfast sandwich like an adult with coping skills.
Our server was unfamiliar with the concept of sandwiches.
But we made it work.
Food arrives:
2 pieces of cold, dry toast
6 strips of crunchy mystery bacon
2 slices of Christmas cheese 🌟🧀
Mayo… 15 minutes later 🙃
A flip-flop would’ve had more moisture.
Dinner: A Three-Plate Saga
Because of my allergy, I pre-ordered jambalaya + chicken breast with roasted potatoes.
Here’s what happened instead:
Plate #1
Chicken tenders + fries
“Do you need ketchup?”
(I needed answers.)
Plate #2
Two tiny chicken pieces + four sad potato slices
Microwaved? Toasted? Unclear.
Plate #3
Two more chicken pieces + the proper roasted potatoes
We got there eventually.
But the chicken was:
Dry
Flavorless
Immune to salt and pepper
Chris didn’t get his lemonade refill.
His dessert never arrived.
And then…
Chris lost his shit
He read that manager like a bad Yelp review with legs.
It. Was. A. Show.
The “Comedy” Show
Not for me — I stayed in the room.
I planned to read, but instead:
I fell asleep at 7:30pm
And slept until 7am
A new personal cruise record 🏆
Chris attended the comedy show so I didn’t have to.
His review?
A beautiful haiku:
Not funny at all
He tried way, way, way too hard
Painful. Disaster.
😴 Ending on a High Note
Did I miss anything by skipping the show?
Nope.
I gained 12 hours of sleep, sanity restored, and avoided emotional damage caused by bad stand-up
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